Boyfriend Won't Go To Prom With Me.

Prom.
    It's the night every high school girl dreams of, besides her wedding, and the night she loses her virginity. She wants it to be magical, beautiful, and most of all, memorable. Prom, like in the movies, is a sort of Rite of Passage, especially if you are a senior. It's your LAST dance as a high school student; It should be the most amazing night of your high school career.
   This is how I was envision my prom night. It IS a big deal to me! Why? Because I am a hopeless romantic and I want a little piece of a fairytale. I had a crappy high school life, I didn't have many friends, I was never popular, I didn't do any sport. I want this night to be one that I can look back and think, "Hey, that was the most amazing night in school and I truly had fun." Prom, to me, is a super huge deal, and I would have love to have spend it with my boyfriend.
    Now, the boyfriend, does not feel the same way. He basically sees it as JUST  dance, but I've tried to explain to him that it's THE dance and it means a lot to ME. He has given my multiple excuses about why he wont go:
      1) "I work that night"
    He's worked at the same place for four years!!!!! He can ask to take ONE NIGHT off.
     2) "I don't have the money"
    What is a job for then? I told you months in advance! You couldn't have saved up?
     3) "I just don't like dances"
      Okay mister selfish! This dance IS NOT about you! You cant put aside your discomfort to make ME happy? To make this night all that I dreamed of?
   
    I just don't understand. I've BEGGED him to go. I told that if someone asks me to go, then he better not get jealous and give me hell. He said he'd be uncomfortable. Well hell! I'm not going to pass up the oppurtunity to have fun with someone that wants to go with me! If he has an issue, he has no one to blame but himself! Like I said, I BEGGED the man to go (I even offered to PAY for him at winter formal back in January and he still wouldn't go!).
    I'm not trying to be selfish, I'm really not. I'm just really hurt. I want to share this special night with HIM. No one else, HIM. I have never been asked to a dance. This, really makes me feel like CRAP. I just want ONE night, ONE fairytale night.... with him.
    He tells me that I will have fun regardless of if I go. I HATE going to dances, because people get to dance with their special someone. They have slow dances at prom; at Homecoming, I CRIED when a slow dance came on and I had no one to slow dance with...
    I'm just... I don't know.... I'm just really hurt. I have a feeling that no one will ask me to prom either, which makes this situation suck even more... I wouldn't mind skipping out on Prom, but dad already paid over a hundred bucks and when it came around last year, I cried at home cause everyone was having fun and I was sitting in my room like a loner. I'm tired of being alone... I'm so tired...
    So that's my sad and pathetic confession: I want an amazing Prom night... and I'm probably not going to get it....
                                         - Silver

Love... Is Him.

Love is... Talking past 12 am and you have to get up in 4 hours.
Love is... Seeing him at a football game and feeling grateful to see him even though you can't hang out with him.
Love is... Knowing you wont be able to see him in a long time but still hang on.
Love is... Knowing that you will be protected, even if it's from yourself.
Love is... Looking into his eyes and feeling whole.
Love is... Feeling at peace without even touching him.
Love is... Being able to pick up his scent before you hug him and your walls break down.
Love is... Crying on the phone with him and not feeling stupid.
Love is... Clinging to the bear he got you for Valentine's day and being able to sleep at night.
Love is... Knowing I can live without him but not wanting to.
Love is... Understanding that you're not the center of his life.
Love is... Knowing that his school and work come before you.
Love is... Praying that he is safe when he drives him in bad conditions.
Love is... Getting excited over a long morning text message before even reading it.
Love is... Knowing that he is insecure with himself but staying patient.
Love is... Being kissed on the forehead and thinking it's the greatest kind of kiss ever.
Love is... Knowing he will always be there, even when you fight.
Love is... Being in his arms and knowing that he will mean something important to you in life.
Love is... Getting the giggles when he does his duck quacks.
Love is... Not getting jealous cause he has a lot of chick friends.
Love is... Hearing his heartbeat and thanking God he was born.
Love is... Living on a prayer, when all the odds are against you.
Love is... Admitting you were wrong and apologizing when you hate it.
Love is... Wearing his Letterman's jacket and not caring if you got scolded at cause he's from a different school.
Love is... Knowing he's not the most attractive guy but in loving his heart, you learned to love all of him.
Love is... Knowing he's a virgin and being okay with that when you're not a virgin.
Love is... Admiring him even when he is just standing there.
Love is... Forgetting to breathe when he kisses you.
Love is... Seeing the unconditional love he has and how it's changed you life.
Love is... Staying by his side even if things ever turned bad.
Love is... Knowing he's not perfect but seeing him as perfect.
Love is... Him calling you a dork and you loving it.

Love is strong. Love is worth waiting for. Love is knowing you have something good and refusing to let it go. Love is being a better person because they showed you how. Love CAN be the fairytale of your life. Love is forever and enduring.

Love ...

Is him...

She Is A Pig. Plain And Simple.

   So let's start with my abhorrence for this..... THING!
      I was whatever when she came out as a lesbian. I'm a-okay with lesbians. My two best friends are practically engaged, and they're lesbians (its really cute <3). But anyways, so she came out as a lesbian. Chopped off her hair, dated chicks, even wrote poems and stuff about lesbians. The sick CHILD even wrote about lesbian smut, which I look down on any kind of smut.
   So while she's.... out there... being a "lesbian" Winter Formal comes around and as always there's drama at dances. My best friend and I, watch as she is dancing, and what do we see? The female is practically having sex on the god damn dance floor! She's grinding on GUYS! Correct me if I am wrong, but don't lesbians generally NOT like penis? Is that not why they are LESBIANS?! I mean I even asked if she "switched sides" which she got all offensive, ran away, and had her friend attack me on FACEBOOK. Her friends were defending her when she RAN AWAY from a QUESTION! If you cant defend your reasons for your causes, then why do you proclaim you're something you're not? So me and my best friend decided she was a fake and, well, she's dirty. She's not even human in my eyes. She's a fake and an attention whore, nothing more.

     Now, let's talk about him. He's the sweetest guy out there, when he's not being a player. Ive been hearing rumors that he might have a THING for..... IT! I am appalled at this! Why would he, the Romeo sort, go for a THING such as that?! It makes no damn sense!!!! And to add on to that, he might choose HER over ME! I'm true to myself, I have goals and morals, I'm prettier, and I have self-respect. Yeah, maybe I'm not as "bubbly and outgoing" as her but that's because I know the different times of when to be silly and when to be mature.

    So. I'm completely befuddled by all of this. It just doesn't make sense. And I'm sorry, but if he chooses her over me, then I will loose ALL respect for him. I KNOW he could do better than this. And I'm not asking him to commit himself to me, no, I already have a lover. But for him to even consider loving her versus me, when he and I have had a PAST, that bothers me! I just don't understand why he would possibly want to see her in that fashion! SHE IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!! LIKE PUKE MY BRAINS OUT DISGUSTING!!!!!! Ugh!!!!
     That's all I have to say. Goodnight.
                             - Silver

Letting Go Of A Fairytale

     We had history. Or so I thought.

   What meant the world to me, you excused as a mistake, our love. It hurt when you told me this, but still I refused to listen. You told me that love was so much more complicated than what people made it out to be. You said love was like "The sun peaking through on a cloudy day". It reminded me of a beautiful poem out of a fairytale.

     You were my fairytale. 

You believed in chivalry, which melted me heart, but you changed. Since you left me, your knightly ways have died. You told me that life hardened you; that there were kinks in your armor and your horse was lame. But none of this mattered me to. What mattered was that you came back into my life after almost a year and that my feelings for you blossom in my heart. I knew you had some issues to work out, but I was okay with that; I knew that with time, patience, and love, that you would realize I was your princess again. 

    I knew that you would hurt me, you even said so yourself, but I always had hope. I didn't think much about being hurt, I only knew it would hurt if you left me. 

     Which you did, in a sense. I knew I was not the only woman on your mind. I was willing to fight for you, because I swore that you were worth it. I would have done anything for you, out of love. We almost shared a beautiful time together, willing to give ourselves to each other all for the sake of love, but that was a long time ago. This is now and now I see that I am your play toy. You brush me off and want me on your time. You never knew how deeply I felt for you, I don't think you ever will.

     You are reluctant to love. I could have given you that love, had you just asked for it. But you tell me you want to have fun and you cant love anyone right now. I cant force your love, I will not force your love. Seeing you today, as always, I begged for you attention. And as always, you're mind was elsewhere. I had to leave today and I begged you to come say goodbye to me. You just walked by, and the realization that the symbolism was that you were leaving my life, nearly had me doubled over. I felt my heart lurch and drop. I just watched and the last thing I saw was a smile from you. That smile was beautiful and it also broke my heart. 

      Love is letting go of the people you love, in hopes that they will come back to you. If, and when they do, they are worth keeping. So I am letting you go. I am going to stop chasing you. I am tired of being hurt and holding on to a fairytale that will never end in a "happily ever after". You're the wounded knight who makes love seem impossible and I'm the princess who just wants to be loved by an honorable man. 

      You taught me how to move on from pain that a heartbreak can leave behind. I feel no animosity towards you. My world doesn't evolve around you and so I am only concerned for me and my well being. What we had was beautiful, while it lasted, but I'm not going to hang on to someone who's pulling away. I'm letting you go, because I love you. I understand that you need to grow, as do I. So as you seemed to say goodbye with your eyes, I said goodbye with my heart.

      I'm not worried about risking a chance at love. Love is all around me, I just need to stop chasing it and let it come to me. So, this is what I'm doing, letting love come to me with an open heart. I just hope that, in time, you will do the same. In doing that we can both live out our fairytales, regardless of if they evolve each other.

                                           - Silver

A Mother's Love

 

     A mother's love is one of the most powerful things on this earth.  It can overcome all obstacles. Whether it is having a bad day at school and she is there with milk and cookies, or a nasty breakup and shes there to hold you as you're crying. A mother's love is nature's secret weapon that is as strong as a hurricane and gentle as a daisy. Your mother may not have to be your biological mother, she may be the woman you look up to the most, who's cared for and loved you.

    Every eukaryotic organism is born from a mother. She is the nurturer for all life and without her, life cannot be born. But a mother's responsibility surpasses all of this.

     My main reason for this blog is to tell of my mother. A good friend of mine inspired this and I want to tell the world about my mother. 

     She was a lovely woman. Her name is Corinna and she was very beautiful, black raven colored hair (dyed of course) and the prettiest blue eyes you ever saw; they reminded me of blue topaz. She had a caring and loving heart, although her addictions contradicted this. She smoked many times a day which affected her health. Her knee injury sent her plunging into a dark hole of prescription drugs and alcohol. I have found her many times, passed out with food in her mouth. My family and I even came home once to find that she had tried to commit suicide by cutting her injured leg off. The UPS man found her and called the ambulance. My past was haunted by her never ending criticism of me and her mental abuse to me.She drank many times before, but being little, I didn't understand it. I knew she had severe anxiety; I get that from her. But aside from her bad habits, she truly was a lovely woman.

   In November of 2009, we just moved out of my dad's (not genetically or by marriage) house and began to live on our own. She had been unfaithful to my dad many times and had online relationships. I didn't take these serious, seeing no harm in them, but now I see how much it tore apart my dad. So we moved and I was happy. My dad was not always the nicest man and so I learned to despise him through my mother's brainwashing.      

   A month or so after we moved into our new home, my mother got back into her old habits. She took so many prescription pills that she would pass out and be completely incoherent and unresponsive, even when I would hit her. She increased her alcohol in-take and pursued men who did not want her. She was a lonely, miserable woman. One day, while heavily intoxicated, I asked my mother to use her computer for a project on Jazz I had to do. She let me borrow it and so I researched my topic.   

   Twice she screamed and demanded to know where her computer was. I told her she let me borrow it and realized she forgot what she said and did. Within 10 minutes later, my mother stormed in and started accusing me of having online relationships with older men! I was appalled by her accusation. She kept screaming and screaming, and I was getting very angry. I told myself I had to leave and find somewhere where I could calm down. I went to the park down the street and cried. I felt helpless and defeated, I knew I couldnt put up with my mother's destructive behavior any longer. I called my dad and begged him to come get me.

      Its been over a year now. I am adopted by my dad and I havent communicated with my mother since. She disowned me and turned my family against me with lies. She even destroyed a loving relationship with my ex-fiancee because she was jealous of our love. I pity her really, I try to keep the image of the beautiful, independent woman in my mind; but, it has all faded to grey with anger and resentment. She broke my father's heart and have emotionally and mentally scarred me. A mother's love does not do this. 

    Where I am getting at is this: For those who have a loving mother, hold on to her tightly. She may be strong and independent, but even mother's have hearts. For those who are cruel to their mother's, imagine your life without her, she loved you, brought you into this world, and cared for you. For those mother's who arent in their child's lives, I beg of you to turn back now., I wish mine did. Your child needs your love and support, do not deny them of this.

     Mothers are the god's gifts to us. Having a mother, is where we learn the concept of real love from. Without love, we can never be happy. So cherish the love that you have and tell your mother today what she means to you before it's too late. I

                                                           Blessings.

                                                                  Silver