Going With the Flow

     We hear this term a lot when it comes to life, but do we really follow this advice? Do we just let life go and hang on for the ride? Or do we take control of our lives and demand them to go a certain way? What is it about the dreams and goals we set for ourselves that determine how we live our lives? Can they drive us, or destroy us?
     For the longest time, I always had goals that I was damn determined to exceed, but I'm starting to see that life can't always go the way I wanted, that I have to make the best of what I have. I love to plan for my future. I'm a planner, it's what I do. But someone taught me that plans don't always go the way I want, that I have to live for the NOW and not the WHEN.
     My plans for the Hollywood college life, have gone out the window. I planned to go to a university out of state and live independently. I wanted the dorm, and the cool room mate, parties, and being a good student. Well, that didn't happen. My family didn't have the money to send me out of state, I would only have my liscence for 2 months and I would have had to of driven over 2000 miles by myself. Talk about scary. So those dreams died, but new ones blossomed. I now am attending a junior college to get my general ed. down, then I plan to transfer to a a university. It is easier, now that I have some control over what I do. I can live at home, for free, with my dad, and get a good job. I can live for free, eat for free, and save up my money for what it's really needed for. School is just down the road and it's cheaper, haha.
     The idea of having the perfect boyfriend NOW has really changed my view on love. I always wanted the knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet and show me the true meaning of love. But, I haven't gotten that, yet. I still have a lot to learn about relationships and love itself. For the longest time, I chased love. I never let it come to me, as it should. I wanted everything RIGHT NOW. A long term boyfriend, maybe a future hubby, and kids. I've pushed this on my current boyfriend and he pulled away every time I do. He tells me he's not ready for it and I'm rushing things. I need to slow down! I need to enjoy being a teenager, while I can. I wanted a steady life NOW. Why? Because my life has never been steady, and I crave that. But, if I decide to live that lifestyle NOW it may end really bad. I need to have fun and be ME. Be the TEEN Silver, not the I-wanna-be-a-wife-and-mom Silver.
     Those are just two examples of how I'm FORCING myself to live a life I have no idea about. I need to live for the day and not for 20 years from now. "Going with the flow". I need to do that, I need to remind myself that it's okay to be a kid. I don't need so much responsibility and worry in my life. I just need to be the seventeen year old that is about to graduate high school. I need to take advantage of realizing that this is the start of my life. So this is me, starting my life, not worrying about the future of what's to come. I'm not going to center my life around one guy or one dream, but I'm going to embrace all the lessons that life has to teach.
     So "going with the flow" is going to be fun, like floating down the river of time. I'm just excited for the adventures along the way!